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A Discussion on Unicorns and Dragon Semen

April 20, 2009

It’s always risky asking The Wife what her favourite animal is. Depending on the age of the person asking she is either very enthusiastic or rather embarrassed. Enthusiastic if the asker is under the age of 7. Embarrassed if they are not.

This is because The Wife’s favourite animal is the unicorn.

Mermaids and fairies are close runners up.

And she’s dead serious.

Now, The Wife is a very smart, very grown up, very mature young woman. She just feels that the unicorn is both beautiful and hypothetically possible. Just because someone has never seen a verifiable unicorn doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. After all, “many other animals have horns” she says. Whatever faith she lacks in religion she more than makes up for in unicorns. Which is fine.

So we were chatting the other day, when the conversation got onto the topic of dragon semen. Now, I’ll be honest. I don’t remember how or why we got on to the topic of dragon semen, but that’s not important. What’s important is the fact that we did.

Me: “You’d get that charcoal-taste in your mouth though, from dragon semen.”

The Wife: “Charcoal? Why would dragon semen taste like charcoal?”

Me: “Well, it’s obvious. A dragon breathes fire, so its semen would obviously taste like charcoal.”

The Wife: “But fire doesn’t come out of its penis. Why would the semen taste like charcoal?”

Me: “Well… if I ate asparagus, I’d taste like asparagus…” (I began to realize that I was losing the argument).

The Wife: “A dragon’s diet is animals, princesses and knights. Not charcoal. There’s no reason for it to taste like charcoal.”

I finally realized that her usually sensible nature had won out over my hypothetical conjecture over the taste of dragon semen.

So I used my trump card.

“Listen, woman” I said. This earned me a steely-eyed glare. “I don’t think that someone who thinks the unicorn is not only real, but is her favourite animal, should be lecturing me about the taste of dragon semen.”

That shut her up. For now. At least until I say something stupid again. 

One Comment leave one →
  1. KermodeBear permalink
    October 4, 2009 11:59 pm


    Dragon semen does indeed have a smoky flavor. However, it is more of an aftertaste.

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